[ He doesn't like the feeling of having his wrist captured, too overbearing when it's coming from Denmark, twists his arm just enough to press their palms together instead. ] One from ya? How's that any different? This is already the end, you. [ His scowl deepens but he holds tight on Denmark's hand. ] It's over.
( he knows that, feels it, and knows better than to deny it as well — but he still wants to. someone kinder might let go of the hand he's clenching; he grasps it more tightly still. ) Just for right now! ( he says strongly. ) If we have the same royal line, then in ten or twenty years we can have one of our princes inherit us both! Sweden can't do shit about that! ( it's worked in the past, hasn't it? sharing kings, inheritance laws? )
So don't talk like this is gonna happen forever! I won't let it!
[ It's instinct to tell Denmark that it won't work, can't possibly work for a variety of reasons. Most of all, shouldn't he fight for his independence? He would, if there were any chance. He's poor and weakened and Sweden is right next to him.
But maybe he can keep it up for twenty years, can keep Sweden away. With a Danish king, other countries might support him. ] Ya think? [ It's quiet because he really shouldn't let Denmark's outbursts affect him. ] Christian Frederik's still at my place.
You can have him! ( he says recklessly, because of course it isn't like he's talked to his boss about it; it isn't as though he's doing anything but saying whatever comes to mind to keep norway here, with him in this second — even his talk of the future is hypothetical. twenty years isn't too bad. even thirty. )
And we'll reunify again, and it'll be like it's been!
[ Even now, Denmark is amusing him, quelling his frustration. It isn't a great plan, but it's nice that Denmark is trying at all. ] No. Can't be.
[ His people are right when they talk about independence. He's been passive when Denmark controls everything, as everything of his becomes Danish. ] I'll be independent. I'll have a government. It'll be better.
( there's a blank couple of seconds, as if norway had spoken in dialect that denmark needed to translate, before he decides what it means and nods his head. ) That's better than Sweden… ( the idea of it, sweden winning in the end, taking what he couldn't take so long ago — yes, norwegian independence is a better option in that case. but now there's a third option.
he repeats himself, to clarify: ) And then once this has settled down, you'll come back to me.
[ His lips thin because he knows the way Denmark's head works, knows this hasn't really gotten through to him. Usually he wouldn't bother with it, but this is important, they have to agree. ] No. We'll be partners. The way it was supposed to be. [ He's never forgotten that promise in 1450, that they were always to be equals. ] Got it?
( he has a faint, confused smile — agreement, yes, of course, whatever you say, without a hint of understanding beneath it. ) We are partners. We're best friends.
( already. obviously. he notices he's still holding norway's hand and lets go, looking down into his eyes. that feeling again, the too-warm one, not anxiety but similar. he has an urge to touch his face and restrains. )
It ain't the same. [ Being partners and friends. He can tell Denmark is saying it in the way he always has, no meaning at all behind it. He watches their hands separate, distracted until he looks back up to find Denmark watching him closely. Without much of a thought, he takes a step closer, like this is how political agreements have to be held. ]
If it's like this again, Sweden will do the same thing. It's all 'cause I don't have a choice. Den— [ There's a small huff of frustration, but only with himself. He leans up, making sure their eyes meet. ] Nothin' will change with us.
But ain't that a good thing? ( again with that vague smile; yes, obviously, isn't that what we want? for none of this to have happened. the economy will pick back up, they'll get a nicer house in the country, twenty years isn't too long to wait. )
I don't want anything to change with us, so it's fine. ( he broadens his smile. ) You're thinkin' too much! I'll take care of you as always. ( give him a prince, argue with his boss — yes; he's reassured, this is all easy. norway will be his, because he'll can't stop that, can't halt his desire to own and control, but he can make it nice and he can vow — completely — that he'll take care of him, not crush him, take good care, isn't that the best solution? there's more to it, there's always been, but he's outgrown it, he won't do those things, because they're best friends.
now he does touch norway's face — carefully, his forefingers at that old hair clip, a clumsy gesture because he's not sure what he's doing. ) Won't that be the best?
[ They're still not talking about the same things, he realizes, stops leaning toward him. He's never quite found what it takes to get something into Denmark's brain. He shakes his head, not enough to separate from that hand on his cheek. It isn't something he minds right now, being touched like this, because it's warm and almost comforting. ]
I don't mean us, not the kingdoms of Denmark and Norway. I mean us. [ Not that he knows how to distinguish those two, as someone who was always against it. He's only ever made decisions for his people, for his kingdom, but he knows this is where the problem is. To make his point, he reaches for the hand on his cheek, presses his palm to the back of Denmark's hand. ] Us.
( he tries to understand, of course he does. "us." the people, not the countries. it sinks after a millisecond, and he leans forward, as though he's going to remove the remaining distance between them — and then pulls back again just as fast, realising what he's doing, pulls back further and gives a quiet, nervous laugh. )
It'll change if you're gone, ( he says in a voice that's meant to be light. how can things not change, if he's away? )
[ Norway's expression doesn't change for all of Denmark's indecision, watches him closely. None of this is difficult to understand, not for him, but it's sensitive. Denmark-Norway's position is set, immovable, but it's not the same for them. ]
Why? Ain't that far. Just right across. [ His eyes move in the direction of the sea, removes his hand from Denmark's to place it on his shoulder. ]
( he draws his hand away, too; holds it up for a moment like he isn't sure what to do with it, and lets it drop to his side. )
It's not here. ( doesn't norway know, how people change? look at sweden. he's only across the sound as well. his expression becomes ponderous; it's not good enough. people change when they leave. isn't this good enough? … ) Aren't you happy like this? ( he pauses, but not long enough for norway to answer. ) Because if ya ain't, tell me, and I'll change it for you for when you come back. You have to come back.
[ There's another huff this time, now actually frustrated with Denmark. But he can't understand it, this desperation to keep everyone with him, has no nostalgia for the Kalmar Union or Sweden in the least. ] You 'n me? [ As in, they're speaking personally. ] Ya never listen, you make promises ya won't keep, you're stupid 'n loud—but I'm used to it. It ain't you.
[ Now he's moving his hand to Denmark's cheek, patting it like he would a child's. ] I don't mind bein' with you. Even if everything else changes.
( i'll keep my promises, he's going to say; he knows he hasn't always been the best, but he's tried, hasn't he? and that's enough, isn't it? yes. he knows what nor is saying, he does, but that's not enough. if everything changes, then what's to stop norway? it's not enough to not mind, this is more than just best friends — )
I don't want you to go away! ( he says, grasping norway by the forearm as though to pull his hand away. ) I don't want you to leave if you won't come back!
[ Somehow, Norway is surprised by the outburst and the sudden grip on his arm. Usually Denmark is satisfied when he's given an inch, some vague bit of affection, but everything is different about this. He scowls in anger and twists his arm to pull away, his other hand shoving at Denmark's chest with a real intention to get him away. ]
Ya think I want this? To have Sweden comin' for me? The last time I had a choice in this was three hundred years ago 'n look where we're at. This ain't on me. All I want is a choice.
( he pulls back as if wounded, taking a step back and bracing his weight on that foot. and then he's forward again, choosing to take offence, choosing to feel rejected. )
And what are you going to chose? ( let me chose for you, he wants to say. he doesn't. he thinks it; he would have in the past. he does know that. ) To leave me? Ya talk about 'us' but that's what ya wanna do, isn't it? If you wanted that you wouldn't talk about needing a choice!
( it's mean, maybe, but he's not thinking like that; he's angry, now, turning norway's stubbornness back around; feeling him pull away with the breaking of the union, feeling sweden at his borders. helping him, visiting him, spending years at his side — hasn't he treated norway well? hasn't he done his best? why is it that people leave him? and nor, who he knows better than anyone and likes better than anyone — doesn't he get that? see how careful he's been, to listen and speak for him and not do anything, be too forward or too close, to treat him as a real best friend for all this time? why is he throwing it all away? )
I don't need a choice! ( he continues without a pause, and he pushes back forward, maybe trying to loom, overpower norway with his superior height and size; intimidate and get his way; he grasps him by the shoulders once more. ) I just wanna stay with ya, Nor!
[ The only way he knows how to respond to this is with equal anger, too unsure of what to do when Denmark isn't smiling and saying things will be fine. But this is what's been held back, this is what Denmark has never gotten past all these years since Sweden left. He knows that, knows the tight grip came from that moment, and Norway never bothered to correct him. ]
If people don't wanna stay with ya, ya can't force 'em. You did that with Sweden, ya know you did, ya hafta learn. [ Nothing about the advance bothers him, only makes him more defiant because he knows that Denmark won't do anything to him. ] You've always had the choice, idiot. [ He pushes at one of Denmark's hands, not bothering with the other one. ] But what makes you think I wanna leave? Have I ever tried? Have my people? [ A no, of course, even when Denmark made the worst decisions. ]
It shouldn't matter what I wanna do. If ya care so much, let me choose.
( but what if he choses something else? for all that he's reckless, thoughtless, he's not willing to leave these things to chance; not willing to take the risk of being alone. he did learn, didn't he? he listens, and he doesn't give orders as much — he's changed. and what if nor choses wrong? nor might change too, like sweden did.
but what can he do? even if he locked norway up — which he can't — sweden at the east, prussia to the south, britain in his seas. the union breaking by the day. by the minute. give him christian frederick, give him to sweden, trust him to come back? trust him not to change? )
[ Norway is ready to give up, to push Denmark away and walk out because he can't be stopped at this point. Denmark has no control over him anymore, not that he ever did on a personal level. Nothing can get through to him, what can be said anymore? ]
I ain't Sweden. Ya know that. [ It should be obvious by now. After four hundred years, it has to be obvious. But it's still not enough. ] Don't be so stupid. [ The hand that was pushing against Denmark's forearm is now idly gliding across it, like he's thinking hard. ] I love you. [ And his eyes lower just slightly, staring at Denmark's neck because he never thought it would come to this but it has. ]
( he doesn't initially react, as though what norway has said is beyond his comprehension.
years now, of feeling — best friends don't, they don't feel or act in those ways, he's not cautious but he's careful, he knows there are things not to be done; he's not willing to change things and have norway leave in result. best friends don't. but now norway's leaving — taken — no matter what; and anyone can say what they like but sweden is still the example he thinks of. someone else he loved. not like that — like this —
he doesn't know. he's very confused, all at once; best friends don't do that but norway just said, and more than anything he wants him here, wants him close, wants to have him, to own and posses and keep. it's all too much thinking, too much confusion; he takes in a breath and takes norway's face in hands on the exhale, pulls him close in one impulsive gesture; takes another breath in before kissing him square on the mouth. )
[ The silence leaves him irritable, a little tension coming from Denmark's lack of reaction. It isn't that he's nervous, exactly, but this confession has come through a lot of reflection and resistance. Could these feelings exist within or outside of their roles? Would they matter? There's no real answer, he's been too content with the union and Denmark's constant presence, hasn't had a reason to think about the end and now it's here.
It's a test, in a way. If Denmark has felt the same way, if they can exist without the union, without anything behind their actions. He exhales a small huff of breath like he's about to move on when Denmark grabs his face. He would have preferred a response, something to calm him instead of riling him up, but there's enough time for him to register what's going on, and he doesn't pull away.
There's only a couple seconds of pause before he's reaching up to grab the back of Denmark's head, fingers clutching his hair tightly, to pull him in for more control. It's better this way, he finds, actions instead of words; much easier to convey his thoughts when his teeth worry Denmark's lower lip, when he pulls back just slightly but doesn't let him go. ]
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So don't talk like this is gonna happen forever! I won't let it!
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But maybe he can keep it up for twenty years, can keep Sweden away. With a Danish king, other countries might support him. ] Ya think? [ It's quiet because he really shouldn't let Denmark's outbursts affect him. ] Christian Frederik's still at my place.
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And we'll reunify again, and it'll be like it's been!
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[ His people are right when they talk about independence. He's been passive when Denmark controls everything, as everything of his becomes Danish. ] I'll be independent. I'll have a government. It'll be better.
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he repeats himself, to clarify: ) And then once this has settled down, you'll come back to me.
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( already. obviously. he notices he's still holding norway's hand and lets go, looking down into his eyes. that feeling again, the too-warm one, not anxiety but similar. he has an urge to touch his face and restrains. )
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If it's like this again, Sweden will do the same thing. It's all 'cause I don't have a choice. Den— [ There's a small huff of frustration, but only with himself. He leans up, making sure their eyes meet. ] Nothin' will change with us.
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I don't want anything to change with us, so it's fine. ( he broadens his smile. ) You're thinkin' too much! I'll take care of you as always. ( give him a prince, argue with his boss — yes; he's reassured, this is all easy. norway will be his, because he'll can't stop that, can't halt his desire to own and control, but he can make it nice and he can vow — completely — that he'll take care of him, not crush him, take good care, isn't that the best solution? there's more to it, there's always been, but he's outgrown it, he won't do those things, because they're best friends.
now he does touch norway's face — carefully, his forefingers at that old hair clip, a clumsy gesture because he's not sure what he's doing. ) Won't that be the best?
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I don't mean us, not the kingdoms of Denmark and Norway. I mean us. [ Not that he knows how to distinguish those two, as someone who was always against it. He's only ever made decisions for his people, for his kingdom, but he knows this is where the problem is. To make his point, he reaches for the hand on his cheek, presses his palm to the back of Denmark's hand. ] Us.
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It'll change if you're gone, ( he says in a voice that's meant to be light. how can things not change, if he's away? )
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Why? Ain't that far. Just right across. [ His eyes move in the direction of the sea, removes his hand from Denmark's to place it on his shoulder. ]
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It's not here. ( doesn't norway know, how people change? look at sweden. he's only across the sound as well. his expression becomes ponderous; it's not good enough. people change when they leave. isn't this good enough? … ) Aren't you happy like this? ( he pauses, but not long enough for norway to answer. ) Because if ya ain't, tell me, and I'll change it for you for when you come back. You have to come back.
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[ Now he's moving his hand to Denmark's cheek, patting it like he would a child's. ] I don't mind bein' with you. Even if everything else changes.
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I don't want you to go away! ( he says, grasping norway by the forearm as though to pull his hand away. ) I don't want you to leave if you won't come back!
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Ya think I want this? To have Sweden comin' for me? The last time I had a choice in this was three hundred years ago 'n look where we're at. This ain't on me. All I want is a choice.
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And what are you going to chose? ( let me chose for you, he wants to say. he doesn't. he thinks it; he would have in the past. he does know that. ) To leave me? Ya talk about 'us' but that's what ya wanna do, isn't it? If you wanted that you wouldn't talk about needing a choice!
( it's mean, maybe, but he's not thinking like that; he's angry, now, turning norway's stubbornness back around; feeling him pull away with the breaking of the union, feeling sweden at his borders. helping him, visiting him, spending years at his side — hasn't he treated norway well? hasn't he done his best? why is it that people leave him? and nor, who he knows better than anyone and likes better than anyone — doesn't he get that? see how careful he's been, to listen and speak for him and not do anything, be too forward or too close, to treat him as a real best friend for all this time? why is he throwing it all away? )
I don't need a choice! ( he continues without a pause, and he pushes back forward, maybe trying to loom, overpower norway with his superior height and size; intimidate and get his way; he grasps him by the shoulders once more. ) I just wanna stay with ya, Nor!
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If people don't wanna stay with ya, ya can't force 'em. You did that with Sweden, ya know you did, ya hafta learn. [ Nothing about the advance bothers him, only makes him more defiant because he knows that Denmark won't do anything to him. ] You've always had the choice, idiot. [ He pushes at one of Denmark's hands, not bothering with the other one. ] But what makes you think I wanna leave? Have I ever tried? Have my people? [ A no, of course, even when Denmark made the worst decisions. ]
It shouldn't matter what I wanna do. If ya care so much, let me choose.
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but what can he do? even if he locked norway up — which he can't — sweden at the east, prussia to the south, britain in his seas. the union breaking by the day. by the minute. give him christian frederick, give him to sweden, trust him to come back? trust him not to change?
)
It matters.
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I ain't Sweden. Ya know that. [ It should be obvious by now. After four hundred years, it has to be obvious. But it's still not enough. ] Don't be so stupid. [ The hand that was pushing against Denmark's forearm is now idly gliding across it, like he's thinking hard. ] I love you. [ And his eyes lower just slightly, staring at Denmark's neck because he never thought it would come to this but it has. ]
i have recovered from the gay tsunami
years now, of feeling — best friends don't, they don't feel or act in those ways, he's not cautious but he's careful, he knows there are things not to be done; he's not willing to change things and have norway leave in result. best friends don't. but now norway's leaving — taken — no matter what; and anyone can say what they like but sweden is still the example he thinks of. someone else he loved. not like that — like this —
he doesn't know. he's very confused, all at once; best friends don't do that but norway just said, and more than anything he wants him here, wants him close, wants to have him, to own and posses and keep. it's all too much thinking, too much confusion; he takes in a breath and takes norway's face in hands on the exhale, pulls him close in one impulsive gesture; takes another breath in before kissing him square on the mouth. )
with gayer icons wow
It's a test, in a way. If Denmark has felt the same way, if they can exist without the union, without anything behind their actions. He exhales a small huff of breath like he's about to move on when Denmark grabs his face. He would have preferred a response, something to calm him instead of riling him up, but there's enough time for him to register what's going on, and he doesn't pull away.
There's only a couple seconds of pause before he's reaching up to grab the back of Denmark's head, fingers clutching his hair tightly, to pull him in for more control. It's better this way, he finds, actions instead of words; much easier to convey his thoughts when his teeth worry Denmark's lower lip, when he pulls back just slightly but doesn't let him go. ]