[ Norway's expression doesn't change for all of Denmark's indecision, watches him closely. None of this is difficult to understand, not for him, but it's sensitive. Denmark-Norway's position is set, immovable, but it's not the same for them. ]
Why? Ain't that far. Just right across. [ His eyes move in the direction of the sea, removes his hand from Denmark's to place it on his shoulder. ]
( he draws his hand away, too; holds it up for a moment like he isn't sure what to do with it, and lets it drop to his side. )
It's not here. ( doesn't norway know, how people change? look at sweden. he's only across the sound as well. his expression becomes ponderous; it's not good enough. people change when they leave. isn't this good enough? … ) Aren't you happy like this? ( he pauses, but not long enough for norway to answer. ) Because if ya ain't, tell me, and I'll change it for you for when you come back. You have to come back.
[ There's another huff this time, now actually frustrated with Denmark. But he can't understand it, this desperation to keep everyone with him, has no nostalgia for the Kalmar Union or Sweden in the least. ] You 'n me? [ As in, they're speaking personally. ] Ya never listen, you make promises ya won't keep, you're stupid 'n loud—but I'm used to it. It ain't you.
[ Now he's moving his hand to Denmark's cheek, patting it like he would a child's. ] I don't mind bein' with you. Even if everything else changes.
( i'll keep my promises, he's going to say; he knows he hasn't always been the best, but he's tried, hasn't he? and that's enough, isn't it? yes. he knows what nor is saying, he does, but that's not enough. if everything changes, then what's to stop norway? it's not enough to not mind, this is more than just best friends — )
I don't want you to go away! ( he says, grasping norway by the forearm as though to pull his hand away. ) I don't want you to leave if you won't come back!
[ Somehow, Norway is surprised by the outburst and the sudden grip on his arm. Usually Denmark is satisfied when he's given an inch, some vague bit of affection, but everything is different about this. He scowls in anger and twists his arm to pull away, his other hand shoving at Denmark's chest with a real intention to get him away. ]
Ya think I want this? To have Sweden comin' for me? The last time I had a choice in this was three hundred years ago 'n look where we're at. This ain't on me. All I want is a choice.
( he pulls back as if wounded, taking a step back and bracing his weight on that foot. and then he's forward again, choosing to take offence, choosing to feel rejected. )
And what are you going to chose? ( let me chose for you, he wants to say. he doesn't. he thinks it; he would have in the past. he does know that. ) To leave me? Ya talk about 'us' but that's what ya wanna do, isn't it? If you wanted that you wouldn't talk about needing a choice!
( it's mean, maybe, but he's not thinking like that; he's angry, now, turning norway's stubbornness back around; feeling him pull away with the breaking of the union, feeling sweden at his borders. helping him, visiting him, spending years at his side — hasn't he treated norway well? hasn't he done his best? why is it that people leave him? and nor, who he knows better than anyone and likes better than anyone — doesn't he get that? see how careful he's been, to listen and speak for him and not do anything, be too forward or too close, to treat him as a real best friend for all this time? why is he throwing it all away? )
I don't need a choice! ( he continues without a pause, and he pushes back forward, maybe trying to loom, overpower norway with his superior height and size; intimidate and get his way; he grasps him by the shoulders once more. ) I just wanna stay with ya, Nor!
[ The only way he knows how to respond to this is with equal anger, too unsure of what to do when Denmark isn't smiling and saying things will be fine. But this is what's been held back, this is what Denmark has never gotten past all these years since Sweden left. He knows that, knows the tight grip came from that moment, and Norway never bothered to correct him. ]
If people don't wanna stay with ya, ya can't force 'em. You did that with Sweden, ya know you did, ya hafta learn. [ Nothing about the advance bothers him, only makes him more defiant because he knows that Denmark won't do anything to him. ] You've always had the choice, idiot. [ He pushes at one of Denmark's hands, not bothering with the other one. ] But what makes you think I wanna leave? Have I ever tried? Have my people? [ A no, of course, even when Denmark made the worst decisions. ]
It shouldn't matter what I wanna do. If ya care so much, let me choose.
( but what if he choses something else? for all that he's reckless, thoughtless, he's not willing to leave these things to chance; not willing to take the risk of being alone. he did learn, didn't he? he listens, and he doesn't give orders as much — he's changed. and what if nor choses wrong? nor might change too, like sweden did.
but what can he do? even if he locked norway up — which he can't — sweden at the east, prussia to the south, britain in his seas. the union breaking by the day. by the minute. give him christian frederick, give him to sweden, trust him to come back? trust him not to change? )
[ Norway is ready to give up, to push Denmark away and walk out because he can't be stopped at this point. Denmark has no control over him anymore, not that he ever did on a personal level. Nothing can get through to him, what can be said anymore? ]
I ain't Sweden. Ya know that. [ It should be obvious by now. After four hundred years, it has to be obvious. But it's still not enough. ] Don't be so stupid. [ The hand that was pushing against Denmark's forearm is now idly gliding across it, like he's thinking hard. ] I love you. [ And his eyes lower just slightly, staring at Denmark's neck because he never thought it would come to this but it has. ]
( he doesn't initially react, as though what norway has said is beyond his comprehension.
years now, of feeling — best friends don't, they don't feel or act in those ways, he's not cautious but he's careful, he knows there are things not to be done; he's not willing to change things and have norway leave in result. best friends don't. but now norway's leaving — taken — no matter what; and anyone can say what they like but sweden is still the example he thinks of. someone else he loved. not like that — like this —
he doesn't know. he's very confused, all at once; best friends don't do that but norway just said, and more than anything he wants him here, wants him close, wants to have him, to own and posses and keep. it's all too much thinking, too much confusion; he takes in a breath and takes norway's face in hands on the exhale, pulls him close in one impulsive gesture; takes another breath in before kissing him square on the mouth. )
[ The silence leaves him irritable, a little tension coming from Denmark's lack of reaction. It isn't that he's nervous, exactly, but this confession has come through a lot of reflection and resistance. Could these feelings exist within or outside of their roles? Would they matter? There's no real answer, he's been too content with the union and Denmark's constant presence, hasn't had a reason to think about the end and now it's here.
It's a test, in a way. If Denmark has felt the same way, if they can exist without the union, without anything behind their actions. He exhales a small huff of breath like he's about to move on when Denmark grabs his face. He would have preferred a response, something to calm him instead of riling him up, but there's enough time for him to register what's going on, and he doesn't pull away.
There's only a couple seconds of pause before he's reaching up to grab the back of Denmark's head, fingers clutching his hair tightly, to pull him in for more control. It's better this way, he finds, actions instead of words; much easier to convey his thoughts when his teeth worry Denmark's lower lip, when he pulls back just slightly but doesn't let him go. ]
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no subject
Why? Ain't that far. Just right across. [ His eyes move in the direction of the sea, removes his hand from Denmark's to place it on his shoulder. ]
no subject
It's not here. ( doesn't norway know, how people change? look at sweden. he's only across the sound as well. his expression becomes ponderous; it's not good enough. people change when they leave. isn't this good enough? … ) Aren't you happy like this? ( he pauses, but not long enough for norway to answer. ) Because if ya ain't, tell me, and I'll change it for you for when you come back. You have to come back.
no subject
[ Now he's moving his hand to Denmark's cheek, patting it like he would a child's. ] I don't mind bein' with you. Even if everything else changes.
no subject
I don't want you to go away! ( he says, grasping norway by the forearm as though to pull his hand away. ) I don't want you to leave if you won't come back!
no subject
Ya think I want this? To have Sweden comin' for me? The last time I had a choice in this was three hundred years ago 'n look where we're at. This ain't on me. All I want is a choice.
no subject
And what are you going to chose? ( let me chose for you, he wants to say. he doesn't. he thinks it; he would have in the past. he does know that. ) To leave me? Ya talk about 'us' but that's what ya wanna do, isn't it? If you wanted that you wouldn't talk about needing a choice!
( it's mean, maybe, but he's not thinking like that; he's angry, now, turning norway's stubbornness back around; feeling him pull away with the breaking of the union, feeling sweden at his borders. helping him, visiting him, spending years at his side — hasn't he treated norway well? hasn't he done his best? why is it that people leave him? and nor, who he knows better than anyone and likes better than anyone — doesn't he get that? see how careful he's been, to listen and speak for him and not do anything, be too forward or too close, to treat him as a real best friend for all this time? why is he throwing it all away? )
I don't need a choice! ( he continues without a pause, and he pushes back forward, maybe trying to loom, overpower norway with his superior height and size; intimidate and get his way; he grasps him by the shoulders once more. ) I just wanna stay with ya, Nor!
no subject
If people don't wanna stay with ya, ya can't force 'em. You did that with Sweden, ya know you did, ya hafta learn. [ Nothing about the advance bothers him, only makes him more defiant because he knows that Denmark won't do anything to him. ] You've always had the choice, idiot. [ He pushes at one of Denmark's hands, not bothering with the other one. ] But what makes you think I wanna leave? Have I ever tried? Have my people? [ A no, of course, even when Denmark made the worst decisions. ]
It shouldn't matter what I wanna do. If ya care so much, let me choose.
no subject
but what can he do? even if he locked norway up — which he can't — sweden at the east, prussia to the south, britain in his seas. the union breaking by the day. by the minute. give him christian frederick, give him to sweden, trust him to come back? trust him not to change?
)
It matters.
no subject
I ain't Sweden. Ya know that. [ It should be obvious by now. After four hundred years, it has to be obvious. But it's still not enough. ] Don't be so stupid. [ The hand that was pushing against Denmark's forearm is now idly gliding across it, like he's thinking hard. ] I love you. [ And his eyes lower just slightly, staring at Denmark's neck because he never thought it would come to this but it has. ]
i have recovered from the gay tsunami
years now, of feeling — best friends don't, they don't feel or act in those ways, he's not cautious but he's careful, he knows there are things not to be done; he's not willing to change things and have norway leave in result. best friends don't. but now norway's leaving — taken — no matter what; and anyone can say what they like but sweden is still the example he thinks of. someone else he loved. not like that — like this —
he doesn't know. he's very confused, all at once; best friends don't do that but norway just said, and more than anything he wants him here, wants him close, wants to have him, to own and posses and keep. it's all too much thinking, too much confusion; he takes in a breath and takes norway's face in hands on the exhale, pulls him close in one impulsive gesture; takes another breath in before kissing him square on the mouth. )
with gayer icons wow
It's a test, in a way. If Denmark has felt the same way, if they can exist without the union, without anything behind their actions. He exhales a small huff of breath like he's about to move on when Denmark grabs his face. He would have preferred a response, something to calm him instead of riling him up, but there's enough time for him to register what's going on, and he doesn't pull away.
There's only a couple seconds of pause before he's reaching up to grab the back of Denmark's head, fingers clutching his hair tightly, to pull him in for more control. It's better this way, he finds, actions instead of words; much easier to convey his thoughts when his teeth worry Denmark's lower lip, when he pulls back just slightly but doesn't let him go. ]