( there was a sudden awkwardness plunging the space between them. homura wasn't sure if she should indulge the other and flat out say 'yes' or just bide her time.
not that she missed the way it was before, simply that she didn't want to argue much with the other.
what had to be done, had to be done still. so she slowly turned again and looked down at sayaki.
in a soft and almost godly voice, she spoke again. )
It is not in my nature to kill beings who have not brought it upon themselves to be killed.
However I am not opposed to ending your life if I needed to.
( for less than a second, she wants to say then go ahead and end this world, make it a challenge, give it a bite — but she pushes it back, her shoulders pulling up and in, keeping the words from coming out. no, that's not what she's here for.
she can't sit still anymore, she jumps to her feet, placing the can on the ledge and leaping forward, past homura, sure-footed on the gravel, turning and swinging back around. be like madoka. be good, but it still comes out as an angry accusation; itching for a fight. ) We used to be a team. ( not friends, never friends, but she'd trusted homura to watch her back in a fight, and she'd fought as hard as she could to save her in the dream, and that's something, right? she keeps her fists clenched tight, she twists back around, away from homura, anxious and taut. )
You really think you're that much better than me? ( than everyone else? it's that cold arrogance, that apathy, that she really can't stand. )
That's bull! ( she's so surprised that it just slips out, the phrasing unconsciously lifted from kyoko, because her own words are not strong enough right now; if that was true, they wouldn't be here. here wouldn't even be a thing. isn't that right?
she remains turned away, but continues after a moment. ) There's no way… but … ( be good. be nice. be kind. ) Okay. If you do think that, then… ( all these little pauses, these little breaks to breath and force out the words; she knows what she came here to do but it's so hard. ) okay… that's a first step.
( homura could automatically sense that those words were kyoko's influence upon the girl. that didn't mean they stung any less.
homura walked closer to sayaka, watching as her back curved in a bit and how her hair looked in against the night sky. she would not kill her unless it was asked for, and even then she would still consider madoka's feelings about all of this.
for that was the main reason these two were even speaking to each other. )
I do believe that I know more than you when it comes to certain things. That is all I have over you.
( she takes in a big breath, her shoulders rising and falling like waves. ) I know something that you don't know, too. ( that she's right. not just correct, but right, that the truth is this world needs to end and until it does, until that moment, until homura finally understands it too — well, that's why she's here, isn't it? )
But… ( she forces her fingers to unclench. ) I didn't come here to fight today.
( she flinches, straightens her back, at homura's correct assumptions; growing stiff and lifting her chin, groping towards defiance, no-way melding with so-what-if-you-are? she can't help but lean back slightly when homura gets too close, but she squares her shoulder and forces herself to use the few centimetres she has over her to her advantage; she's physically the stronger, she tells herself. )
I'm not afraid of anything you could do to me. ( she says, straightening again, shifting herself slightly towards homura, widening your stance. ) Even if you killed me, I'm already supposed to be dead. Even if you made me forget, I'd remember. There's nothing you can do to make me change my mind! ( the bluster, the threat, whatever it may be — the funny part about saying things, sayaka has found, is that it becomes easier to do them once they're said, the act of speaking closing off roads to doubt or hesitation. )
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